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too connected
Posted on | January 15, 2009 | 13 Comments
These are the books that were on my Christmas list this year. I started reading at the top and I’m now reading Why We Hate Us, by Dick Meyer. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking while reading this book and I’ve wanted to talk about my thoughts, but have tried to hold back until I finish the book because I’m hoping against hope that Meyer will offer some suggestions at the end for liking each other again, upping our tolerance levels.
If he does, I promise to revisit this topic and share, but for now - I’m sharing my thoughts.
I just had an email conversation with a friend, where she told me that someone she considered to be a friend had said something mean about her on Facebook. She was probably not ready for the impassioned rely I sent! I told her that this is precisely why I don’t do Facebook or Myspace (several years ago I briefly had a Myspace page but couldn’t keep up with it) or any of the social networking sites (well, this and the fact that those sites are blocked at work and I like to be unplugged at night). I spend all day in front of a computer and really try to stay away from it at night. Like television, it is a huge time-suck. But mostly – I don’t need the stress!
It’s stressful to go to Facebook and learn that someone has said something that hurts your feelings, that things have happened in your friends’ lives that you’re unaware of, or see photographs that you really don’t care to see. Earlier today I talked to an old friend who told me he saw a picture of my husband at a high school Valentine’s dance with his then-sweetheart on her Facebook page! Now, that was decades ago and I really don’t care, but still – it’s not something I’d care to run across while online, ya know? There’s a reason some photographs are in albums as opposed to frames. Big stress, little stress - it’s all stress. It weighs on us.
We are TOO connected and for the most part, it is not enhancing the quality of our lives. I realize that’s a strange thing for a blogger to say. I can honestly say that this blog and the online relationships that have resulted from it and from the blogs I read HAVE enhanced my life, and that’s where I find the distinction. I’m not suggesting we go back to the dark ages. I like electricity. I like the internet. I like all, well, almost all, of the people that I’ve met online. I just think that with our crazy schedules and stressed-out lives, there should be times where we remove ourselves from the fray. Turn off the newsmen who are simply argumentative tormentors. Take some control back. If that means we miss the latest joke about Rod Blagojevich’s hair, are we really missing anything?
Why go to a social networking site to connect with friends, anyway? Is it just a form of public email – is it the thrill of knowing that your witty comments are out there for all to read? Is it a way to goof off at work? Does it provide your fifteen minutes of fame? I’m not trying to offend anyone with these questions and if I have, I apologize, I am honestly trying to understand why people spend so much of their time connecting with others in such an impersonal way?
Thoughts?
Comments
13 Responses to “too connected”
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January 15th, 2009 @ 5:29 pm
Well SAID!!!!!!!
January 15th, 2009 @ 5:30 pm
Blogging is as connected as I wish to be. It takes enough time, has been a positive experience and is as social as I need. I don’t want a bunch of people from my past to come back and haunt me, as it were…anyway. I’m with you ALL THE WAY!
January 15th, 2009 @ 5:37 pm
I understand the need for social networking sites and belong to two of them myself. It’s very useful as far as speaking to distant relatives or old friends. I don’t like emails very much. As far as someone making a rude comment about you; I do think that when people open pandora’s box they should expect things they don’t like to come out. People tend to show their true colors when you aren’t looking. I’ve had unfortunate pictures show up and then edited my setting so no one could tag me (lol) but I do agree that some things should be left buried.
January 15th, 2009 @ 7:06 pm
I am of both minds on this. On the one hand, I do think we’re too connected and it’s good to step back from the computer and unplug. On the other hand, for someone like me who grew up overseas and most of my life-long friends are spread out all over the world, a networking site is a *fantastic* way to stay in touch with all those people without having to keep up with millions of e-mail addresses. I’ve managed to reconnect with elementary, middle school and high school friends that I would otherwise be unable to find or stay in touch with.
I do think, however, that people who understand internet etiquette (like most bloggers) don’t feel it necessary to be catty or bitchy publicly on a networking site and tend to recognize that someone’s networking page is a public forum to some extent and that not just that person. That should be done via private messages or in person if at all possible.
January 15th, 2009 @ 9:48 pm
I’m all for the unplugging. In fact, one of my “resolutions” is to be knitting and spinning (and exercising!) more this year and reading about them less.
I’m relatively new to Facebook and I’m enjoying it. For whatever reasons, I haven’t attended any of my high school reunions (and I have no excuse; my parents still live in the same town) but Facebook has satisfied just enough curiosity about people. There have been some very pleasant, fascinating surprises, too. I left my high school early and didn’t think it had much of a hold on me, but I had known many of my classmates from grammar school, even kindergarden in some cases- the truly formative years. It’s funny to realize that after all this time we still really do share a sense of humor and certain sensibilities, even though we’ve “grown up.”
January 16th, 2009 @ 6:38 am
I don’t think of blogging and facebook as the same thing at all. I do have a myspace and facebook page – I got them when my daughter started using them, mostly to check on her. I gave up on myspace but I do update my facebook page and I have reconnected with some high school friends through that. That said, I check it maybe once a week or so and I don’t put up pictures and I don’t participate in all those silly applications.
January 16th, 2009 @ 7:18 am
Well, I personally believe people choose to participate in social network sites for the sheer reason they do not have the luxury and/or freedom of meeting up with friends in traditional ways.
My case is this:
1. Checking your Facebook/Myspace page can be done at your convenience, unlike answering a telephone that rings at the caller’s convenience.
2. Other than your internet connection fees, (which most would have whether or not they were interested in joining a social network) joining is free. Unlike classmates.com or the like, where you have to pay to see who wants to say hello to you.
3. A lot of people have friends and family that are spread across the country/world. Messages and notes via these sites aren’t subject to time zone mishaps – “Oh, sorry! It’s 4:30 am there? I’ll call back.”
4. If you’re at home meeting friends on a network site, you don’t need a babysitter, make up or a push up bra.
That’s all I got. Like others have mentioned, I check mine about once a week if that – Just like most things, it’s all about the level one takes their interest. I’m sure there are those out there who would consider our obsession with yarn to be incomprehensible. ;)
January 16th, 2009 @ 7:54 am
I can’t even keep up with the online stuff I do now (Blog-reading & blogging, Rav, Flickr), let alone adding something else – and the craziness around Facebook & myspace are a little intimidating – I go to MySpace pages of band if that’s all they have, and I don’t think I’ve ever even been on Facebook. Don’t know what it looks like even. No desire. And I’ve found that I can’t even really keep up with any forums with any regularity (Ravelry!). Also, I admit to being a little nervous about being “found” online by people who know/knew me that I haven’t explicitly told where to find me… There are people that I’d rather didn’t know that I am (or grew up to be) a big knitting geek and an online one at that (uh, my boss? people I grew up with?). Not that there is a thing wrong with that, mind you, I quite like being a big knitgeek/blogger to the extent that I can keep up with it ;)
I do think that some online communities are a little different and our knitting one seems to be (mostly) sheltered from a lot of that craziness – though people are people and there’s bound to be bad behavior from time to time – I’ve been able to steer clear of any drama so far and am quite happy with that.
Wordy reply!! Thought provoking posts make me do that!
January 16th, 2009 @ 11:36 am
I have a blog and a couple of forums that I hang out in, and that’s it. No My Space or Facebook. I generally share what I want to share in my blog.
My BIL got into Facebook, and he’s enjoying it. But he’s not on the internet socially much in any other way, so I guess it serves a purpose for him. He’s had fun connecting up with people from his past.
Me, I’m about as connected online with other people as I want to be right now. I already spend lots of time online. I don’t need ANOTHER online time-sink. :)
January 16th, 2009 @ 12:20 pm
I think it is because people like small commitment involvement, when they want it, for as much and as little as they want. F2F involves too much time and emotional investment.
January 16th, 2009 @ 1:43 pm
I spent a big chunk of my fall reading the collected journals of L.M. Montgomery (author of Anne of Green Gables). Back in the early 20th century, she bemoaned the newfangled invention, the radio, and she made some startlingly prophetic statements about how such technology seemed wonderful, but she felt it would continue increasing and continue isolating people, basically cause them to turn away from regular pastimes into “techie” (obviously my word, not hers) things, and it would speed up life, and could be unhealthy. She was way ahead of her time.
January 16th, 2009 @ 3:08 pm
I reluctantly signed up to facebook as it’s the only way I can keep in touch with my good friends (all of whom live across the country). I don’t use it for anything other then saying hi or posting something cool I may have seen on you tube etc. I’m quite happy for my non knitting friends to have no knowledge of my blog, I kind of like it that way. But yes I totally understand what you mean. I think it’s crazy that people post all their photos on the site for the world to see. I also think it’s crazy how much of a time suck it is for people. A lot of my friends are on their daily. I will go and log in if I want to specifically speak to someone not just to kill time.
Oops sort of ranted a bit, it wasn’t meant to sound like a rant though. Just some thoughts!
Take care,
January 20th, 2009 @ 10:47 pm
I just started doing Facebook. And Like Grace was saying it takes some knowledge of online etiquette–many folks just don’t think before they post. Man is it a time suck! But I too am back in touch with my friends after 20+ years. And it has been a great way for my family to keep in touch (My nephew has been posting pix of his trip to the inauguration). Now that I am working from home, I love being connected to someone other than the cats during the day (ironically with some of my old coworkers) And I have been able to share with my friends pix of the yarn. Most of my Bham friends had no idea I even knit.