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maybe it’s just me
Posted on | December 12, 2007 | 21 Comments
This morning started out pretty much like normal. And then I started thinking and haven’t stopped since.
I miss my family, especially during the holidays. It’s hard adjusting to being part of a new family who do things differently and it seems even harder if their way of doing things is better; it’s almost like an insult to your own, old ways. You know there are better ways to communicate, for example, but it’s really hard to step out of that familiar routine. I started feeling all holiday blue this morning, which normally doesn’t hit me until January, so when I got in the car, I put in High Voltage because sometimes a girl needs a little AC/DC and the boy won’t object like he does with a lot of my other music. I consider it my duty as a parent to make sure he’s versed in something besides that bubblegum crap on the radio. It will serve him well.
AC/DC did the trick, but it got me thinking even more and wondering how many women are out there, driving their SUVs, knitting at stoplights, shuttling kids back and forth, being active members of various organizations, but as soon as that car door slams, as soon as their husband has left the house, they’re blaring the stereo, sneaking cigarettes and flipping off their boss behind their back. I think there’s a lot of us.
We’re all expected to conform, to be this way or that and yet, no matter what we do, there’s always that underlying feeling of not being good enough. Which is bullshit. Think about Mae West. I’m sure a lot of people called her a bitch. But the men all wanted to fuck her and the women all wanted to be her. Because she was free, because she was herself, because she didn’t care what people thought, she did what she wanted. I tell you, those are the women I admire – Mae West, Dorothy Parker, the old woman I saw on the road yesterday, driving her vintage car on First Avenue with her hairnet in place. I wish I’d taken her picture. She was awesome.
I don’t really know where I was going with this. These are just things I was thinking about and I wanted to put them out there. I could say, “I’m going to try to do this or that, be more like Mae West, listen to more AC/DC, etc. and you should too” but that’s not what this post is about.
Comments
21 Responses to “maybe it’s just me”
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December 12th, 2007 @ 9:30 am
Oh ya, sistah! I’m sure there are TONS of us…we need to speak out, speak up and be who we are. It can get lonely sometimes…(at least here in Utah) because some people don’t like those who rock the boat, but life is much more interesting. :-D
December 12th, 2007 @ 9:42 am
Yes, we are here and there. AC/DC and Led Zeppelin always help me when I’m troubled. And, a little Tom Waites don’t hurt! ;-)
December 12th, 2007 @ 10:03 am
Omigosh I can totally identify with this post! You could be describing me. And I totally relate to what you are saying about family, our origins and traditions and this time of year.
And . . . for me, it’s Amy Winehouse, Incubus, Metallica (which really do sound best cranked up LOUD!)
December 12th, 2007 @ 10:26 am
Amen, sister.
December 12th, 2007 @ 10:31 am
I swear, I double checked to make sure I was really reading your blog after I read this. Which goes to prove exactly what you’re saying. You’re 100% right, and conformity and expectations probably make more people miserable and untrue to themselves than anything else I can think of. (Ok, barring poverty and hunger, but that’s not what we’re talking about here.)
December 12th, 2007 @ 10:42 am
Oh yeah. Even though I am no longer in the work force I am still there with you on this one.
December 12th, 2007 @ 10:51 am
Indeed. ‘Though I’ve given up the cigarettes for good.
I took off on a day’s drive of pointless errands last week, just to have alone time in my car with my choice of music, played as loud as I wanted (as I didn’t have to be able to hear anyone clamoring from the back seat). I think, for me, alone time is at a premium this time of year and obligations to others are at an all-time high. It’s bound to start adding up and making a girl a little crazy.
I’d like to send an audio link, but have you heard this: http://www.links2love.com/lyrics_bowling_for_soup_1985.htm
;-)
December 12th, 2007 @ 10:52 am
You go girl! Let’s break all the rules!
December 12th, 2007 @ 11:00 am
Good lawd, girl, you must be in a mood with this – I don’t think I’ve ever heard (seen) you swear. Mae West rocks. Once I figured out that I wouldn’t make everyone happy no matter what I did, I decided I’d do what made me happy and the rest of them could bite me. And sometimes it actually works. ;-)
December 12th, 2007 @ 11:21 am
I felling you! I agree completely. Sometime you just got to let your hair down and let it all hang loose.
Keep up the varied music exposure too. That will be a good thing.
December 12th, 2007 @ 11:53 am
Amen and AMEN!!!!!! Sometimes you just have to stop and try to be yourself…and not worry about anyone or anything else….unfortunately as women that is hard for us to do!!! I too have a love/hate relationship with the holidays!!!! Looking forward to January!!!!!!
December 12th, 2007 @ 12:59 pm
It IS bullshit. And it’s so sad, it just seems to be the way our society is built – and I don’t know why that conformity pressure always seems heavier around the holidays. I have a whole holiday manifesto written up that I just can’t post because it would hurt some feelings in my family that don’t deserve to be hurt. I need a little outside time – it always helps me get back to myself.
Hang in there. Music sure soothes a lot of ills. And hot tea. Oh wait – make that a whiskey sour, please ;)
December 12th, 2007 @ 1:01 pm
You are not alone…
Isn’t it strange that our kids like AC/DC also?? It is great pick-me-up music.
And you know, it is your family’s holiday tradition that counts! And YOUR family is you, your hubby and your children :) Make your own traditions to give your children good memories of the holiday season :)
December 12th, 2007 @ 1:34 pm
I have been seeing a wave of this of the web. We are not alone. I know there’s got to be HUGE underground population of us out there somewhere the rest of the year too.
December 12th, 2007 @ 1:55 pm
You are definitely not alone!
And good for you for exposing your son to better/different music than the McBland playing everywhere.
December 12th, 2007 @ 4:03 pm
Somewhere around 32 I completely, truly stopped caring what anyone thought of me. Of course, I don’t have in-laws or kids. But still it was undoubtedly the most liberating moment of my life. Welcome to the “I Don’t Give a Damn!” zone. You’ll like it here – no dress code, curfew, or vapid social pleasantries.
December 12th, 2007 @ 5:08 pm
Welcome to the Bitchsterhood. I’ve discovered that whether I’m actually being a bitch or I’m trying to be Mother Theresa, people think I’m a bitch so I roll with that now. I have finally in the last couple years found a group of people who can tell that mostly I’m being silly, not bitchy and that helps. A few friends like that and I’m good. Anyone who doesn’t get it isn’t worth my energy anyway. But I do find that for me personally living in the south with the oppressive forceful religion and traditions makes me not only *seem* like more of a bitch; it actually makes me more of one when my inevitable backlash erupts from time to time. Merely wanting space to be yourself is a big no-no, at least on my little mountain. One can only pretend for so long without becoming sullen and twitchy. Anyway, bitch away-I’ll love you no matter what!
December 12th, 2007 @ 7:15 pm
I am so with you. I have *finally* learned that there really is no icon of perfection out there. It simply does not exhist. It’s a myth. Once I learned that, I lightened up…a lot. I’m not so frustrated with myself as I used to be. I’m okay. And so are you. Say no if you want to. No one does everything. Listen to all the A.C./D.C you want to, and a little Coolio, too, if you want. I SO knit in traffic. Maybe I can finish my socks that way. I like Mae West, too. Awesome!
Ang
December 13th, 2007 @ 3:00 pm
You’re not alone. Very much not alone. I keep trying to be mindful of that freedom, but I always feel what Sylvia Plath used to call the “sharp hooks”–the things that keep us tethered to the mundane world; family, obligations, work. How to achieve both? Tough call.
December 13th, 2007 @ 11:18 pm
In describing me, my husband always says, “My wife’s not a bitch. Just honest.” Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. ;)
December 16th, 2007 @ 4:25 pm
I’m with ya. 51% honey, 49% bitch. On a good day.